Monday, March 1, 2010

I can feel them watching me, staring at me, pointing at me; even in the darkness, even in my sleep, even when im alone...

14 day fast day 1!

So today went swell! I ate nothing.. gum, cigarettes, water, diet coke, coffee.

I burnt 600 calores at the gym and did some weights, and I was out and about all day at uni and running errands and studying like crazy so i did get really really hungry but i ate NOTHING..

Im confident about this.. Im just so tired of being such a loser in every other aspect of my life.. and im tired of giving into temptation and weakness.. I am not weak, i am atually really strong, weakness is just easier and more comfortable and thats why very few people make it to the top and acomplish their goals.. i have been one of those few and i will be again..

My life is so empty, so meaningless.. I have nothing but a horrible reputation.. Everyone has seen me, NAKED, they think they know me, but truly they have no idea who i am.. how can they if i dont even know who i am.. Its so easy to judge, but i dare u, oh i dare any of u, to walk the hallways, to go to the mall, to go to the clubs, and watch them stare at u, laugh at u, talk about u.. i dare u to come home and sit with ur family as they stare at u, talk about u, yell at u, hate u.. i dare u to wake up and live ur "normal life" sorrounded by people that reject u, that think bad about u, that have seen u naked, that call u a whore, and still keep ur head up high, swallow the tears, fake the smiles, with no family and very little support from friends and do all this with and empty stomach..

So today i decided i am everything but weak, i am actually very strong and i will show everybody.. they can try to destroy me if they want to but i will not give in, i will not destroy myself, by eating i will destroy my body that is the only thing i have left.. and the sad part is- its not even mine anymore... everyone has my body on their cellphones..