Monday, January 11, 2010

This is my world and i can destroy it anyway i want to..


Ok so I fasted for 6 days and then yesterday (sunday) i was forced to eat at my grandmother's house.. Then I went to the movies with my sister and mother and they bought popcorn and I had a lot.. then after that I had this crazy urge for a sundae, i was going crazy i couldnt control it, so i got it.. ugghh i wont even tell u everything i ate, its fucking disgusting.. I threw up like 40 times, it was 2 in the morning and i was still throwing up.. my throat burns, my stomach is killing me.. i also took 3 laxatives, the pain is huge!..

Today Im fasting again, I didnt weigh myself but I burnt 500 calories at the gym.. Ill weigh myself tomorrow.. Ill be fasting until im forced to eat again.. I dream of the day I can eat something and not eat anything else.. I dream of the day when I can control myself and dont have to binge just cuz i had a salad.. its so weird how food triggers me to want more and more and more... i hate food, its the devil..

Today I started university.. its amazing, i love it.. Im the youngest one there but its so cool! I just hope people dont notice that I never eat with them and that I only have calorie-less drinks.. Everybody orders fattening drinks and pastries at starbucks and i always order a decaf with no milk and one splenda.. I dont wanna be the "oh look at the poor anorexic haha" girl at uni.. I wanna be the girl that every other girl wants to be like and every guy wants to be with.. and i dont want anybody to know my secret..

Its so fucking cold here in mexico right now.. my body cant take it.. its never been so cold here in 124 years.. im currently wearing leggings under my sweatpants, turtle neck, sweater, coat, ugg boots, gloves, scarf, and im freezing to death.. I cant feel my body, my bones ache.. I really wanna pee and im holding it in cuz im scared to move cuz the cold will kill me.. im really not exagerating.. I hate it cuz everyone around me is drinking hot chocolate or capuccinos and im sick of tea and coffee.. ill be strong..



  1. hey, hope you get to warm up soon&feel better.


  2. I also get that awful problem... like I eat soomething and even though it's like... calorie free or negative calories I can't stop myself from eating...

    And yeah, Mexico city's weather is terrible... I just got back from Mazatlán and I'm hating it :/ I can't even weight myself without clothes like I usually do just because I can't even take my clothes off... ugh! I hate it...

    Anyway... congratulations on starting college or university... and don't be worried about people wondering about your calorie intake... one thing I've found out this year is that in college no one really cares about how much you eat 'cause most of the time everyone is too concerned about homework and most of the kids there have a nutrition based in coffee (and junk food... but they don't notice) :)

    Good luck!