And oh! I dont wanna feel...

Hello people!..
I hate birthday parties. They are all about food.
Today I was kinda depressed and the party didnt help at all..
I binged like crazy!.. I even ate cake!!.. And as u can see, food didnt make me feel any better, it just made me feel worse about myself and more depressed..(food is not the answer).
I took some laxatives and I'm praying I dont gain weight!..I'm certainly not losing any..

Im really sad today, I dont even know why.. I just hate where Im at.. How can someone fuck up their life at 17?.. Imagine when im 30.. Im nothing, Im no one, Ive never acomplished anything, never done anything right, I cant even be fucking skinny.. I hate myself..
I spent 3 hours looking 4 the perfect quote that can describe what im feeling at the moment.. I found many I loved and everybody loves quotes so Ill post some here just to express what Im feeling...

-Perhaps I saw what I wanted in him, I saw more than he was..
-U said u didnt want to see me hurt, so did u close ur eyes when I cried?
-I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was...
-Just because she comes off strong doesnt mean she didnt fall asleep crying, and even though she acts like everything is fine, maybe, just maybe, she is really good at lying...
-Sometimes its better to be alone. No one can hurt u that way...
-Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes u can see what the pains someone feels...
-You have the power to make me regret my own existence.. My only regret is giving u that power.
-Everytime I see myself there is always something wrong with me..
-I hurt myself so I can feel alive..
-Hate can be a positive emotion when it forces u to better urself...
-What is the point in ever trying to be happy when the very pursuit of happiness is what makes u miserable...
-Ive never felt Ive been valued by anyone. I'm just a waste of space that everyone ignores, like a ghost without a home.
-While some can run from the pain, other live through it...
-Its funny how u can see someone everyday and never really see them at all.
-I close my eyes, wish i was fine... even if im not this time.
-What if ur in hell and ur mad at someone, where do u tell them to go?
-They say that what does not kill u only makes u stronger, well maybe some of us are sick and tired of being so damn strong.
-Darkness never really goes away, once uve seen it...
-Sometimes it hurts more to smile infront of everyone than to cry all alone.
-She was screaming so loud she lost her voice for days and no one even noticed.
-Im lost and I want so badly to be found, but no one is looking 4 me..
-I wish that I could disappear, unzip my skin and leave it here, so I could be no one again..
-I hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.
-It was raining when u left me, now im drowning in the flood.

hope u like them, I have lots more..
love u, sam