Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Stop the world, I wanna get off..
Yesterday I did not write a post cause I wasnt doing well and i dont want u guys to think im weak.
Life is being really hard on me lately and even though im trying to be strong, Im in a lot of pain.. Today was the worst day I have had in months!.. I dont really want to think about it, i want to forget it.. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up..
I cant lie to u guys and act like nothing is wrong. U r the only people I can be honest too, the only ones who know the real me and dont judge me.
I know it may sound stupid but I think this blog is whats helping me the most right now..
I can come here and pour my heart out, get everything off my chest and somehow I feel better..
People that I dont even know read this and support me!.. U guys have no idea how ur comments help me through this.. I feel there are people out there that understand me and know what I am going through.. thanx u so much for being here 4 me!..
Today I ate like 600 calories, maybe less I dont know..
Its not much but I still feel its a lot!.. I woke up feeling fat today and for the first time ever I shoved the toothbrush in my mouth until I puked and my throat hurts like crazy now and It wasnt even worth it cause not a lot came out..
This week everybody keeps telling me how skinny I am. The weird thing is I dont see it in the mirror.. My clothes are huge on me but when I look in the mirror I just see this ordinary person and ordinary is not enough for me..
Im scared, I never believed what people said about seeing a disorted image of urself!.. Im scared I wont know when to stop and that I will always feel fat when Im not..
I wont know my weight till thursday at the doctor.. I hope I lost weight, at least a pound! If not i will freak, my life is too fucked up already and i need something to make me feel better..
Here r some quotes:
-Half of life is fucking up. The other half is dealing with it.
-The idea is to die young as late as possible...
-I love walking in the rain cause no one knows im crying..
-Never let ur head down, ur crown might fall.
-Look behind the mascara, the shiny lipstick. Look a little deeper and maybe u will see that this girl u are looking at isnt really me.
-Dear 3 am, we have got to stop meeting like this. I much rather sleep with u. Love, me.
-My mother told me not to talk to strangers. I dont talk to myself anymore...
-People uve been before that u dont want around anymore..
-How can u understand me when i cant understand myself?
-Im okay.. isnt that what im supposed to say?
-There is a girl in my mirror crying tonight and there is nothing i can tell her to make her feel alright..
-You do it to urself and thats why it really hurts..
-Take it from someone whos fallen... Its a long way down.
-Just hit play and watch my life fall apart.
-Its hard to answer the question "whats wrong" when nothing is right..
-Sometimes u need to run away just to see who will follow u.
-I dont know if im getting better or just used to the pain.
-I like having lo self esteem, it makes me feel special...
I hope u like them.
Stay strong, sam.