Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Stop the world, I wanna get off..

Hey there!..

Yesterday I did not write a post cause I wasnt doing well and i dont want u guys to think im weak.
Life is being really hard on me lately and even though im trying to be strong, Im in a lot of pain.. Today was the worst day I have had in months!.. I dont really want to think about it, i want to forget it.. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up..
I cant lie to u guys and act like nothing is wrong. U r the only people I can be honest too, the only ones who know the real me and dont judge me.
I know it may sound stupid but I think this blog is whats helping me the most right now..
I can come here and pour my heart out, get everything off my chest and somehow I feel better..
People that I dont even know read this and support me!.. U guys have no idea how ur comments help me through this.. I feel there are people out there that understand me and know what I am going through.. thanx u so much for being here 4 me!..

Today I ate like 600 calories, maybe less I dont know..
Its not much but I still feel its a lot!.. I woke up feeling fat today and for the first time ever I shoved the toothbrush in my mouth until I puked and my throat hurts like crazy now and It wasnt even worth it cause not a lot came out..
This week everybody keeps telling me how skinny I am. The weird thing is I dont see it in the mirror.. My clothes are huge on me but when I look in the mirror I just see this ordinary person and ordinary is not enough for me..
Im scared, I never believed what people said about seeing a disorted image of urself!.. Im scared I wont know when to stop and that I will always feel fat when Im not..
I wont know my weight till thursday at the doctor.. I hope I lost weight, at least a pound! If not i will freak, my life is too fucked up already and i need something to make me feel better..

Here r some quotes:
-Half of life is fucking up. The other half is dealing with it.
-The idea is to die young as late as possible...
-I love walking in the rain cause no one knows im crying..
-Never let ur head down, ur crown might fall.
-Look behind the mascara, the shiny lipstick. Look a little deeper and maybe u will see that this girl u are looking at isnt really me.
-Dear 3 am, we have got to stop meeting like this. I much rather sleep with u. Love, me.
-My mother told me not to talk to strangers. I dont talk to myself anymore...
-People uve been before that u dont want around anymore..
-How can u understand me when i cant understand myself?
-Im okay.. isnt that what im supposed to say?
-There is a girl in my mirror crying tonight and there is nothing i can tell her to make her feel alright..
-You do it to urself and thats why it really hurts..
-Take it from someone whos fallen... Its a long way down.
-Just hit play and watch my life fall apart.
-Its hard to answer the question "whats wrong" when nothing is right..
-Sometimes u need to run away just to see who will follow u.
-I dont know if im getting better or just used to the pain.
-I like having lo self esteem, it makes me feel special...

I hope u like them.
Stay strong, sam.


  1. I love those quotes, they explain exactly what I'm feeling. But at the same time, it scares me.

    stay strong.

  2. I'm not trying to be weird but if you really want to purge- don't use a toothbrush. Always use your fingers. I had a friend who used to only used his toothbrush and he ended up swallowing it and had to get surgery to have it removed. Plus i've used toothbrushes and I way prefer my fingers, I have much more control and a lot more comes up. I hope you feel better. Just remember if today was SO horrible tomorrows gotta be better. All my love.

  3. I love ur quotes! Just be carefull.. :)

  4. I owe everyone on here alot aswell, I can pour my heart out and everyone is supportive and helps you through the hard times,
    I like the quotes,
    I hope your okay, really.