Thursday, August 20, 2009
Hold ur head high gorgeous, there r people who would die 2 see u fall.
Today might have been one of the hardest days ive been through lately.
Today I saw my best friend for the first time in a year.
The last time I saw her she was dying of anorexia in a hospital bed.
She had no hair, she couldnt walk, talk, move, or do anything alone.
She wore diapers and was connected to 100 machines.
You guys don't even want me to tell u what she looked like..
The past year she lived in an ED clinic, separated from the world.
She had no contact with anyone..
Yesterday I recieved a call, and it was her. She said she was coming to Mexico City to see me..
Today when I saw her I started crying!.. she looked so beautiful, even without hair..
I donr know how tall she is, maybe 5'5 and she currently weighs 53 kilos.. She used to weigh 27 kilos!..
She knows I have problems with my image and that I am also anorexic. We cried for hours, she begged me to stop, she said she went through hell, that she wanted to die..
She told me she would kill herself if she saw me go through what she went.. that she cant relive it..
I know i'm supposed to be shocked and I should learn from the experience, but she is the person I admire the most in this world!.. She actually made it!.. The sad part is she didnt know when to stop.. I will not stop being ana, it is not a disease, its a way of life, it is who I am inside, I cant deny it.. Nothing she says will make me eat more.. But I will learn from her experience and I promise I will know when to stop!.. I'm doing this for her.. I will not make her go through it again with me.. 110 is my limit... If I pass 110 I am begging u guys to make me stop!.. please!
It is amazing how I know exactly that I can be my worst enemy, that I can kill myself.. AND I STILL WANT IT! Ana lives inside me, Inside all of us..
I love u guys, i need u..