Thursday, August 27, 2009
I live to be model thin, dress me I'm ur mannequin.
I have a problem! (well i have many but this one needs to be fixed noow!)
My willpower and my control are gone! I have no idea what happened but I need them back!
Its like all day I think about getting thinner, its all I think about 24/7 but I still eat.. and a lot!!!
Its so weird cause I think about being skinny while I'm eating and I dont stop! as if eating will make me thinner hahaha!
I dont know what is happening to me, but I have cravings all day and I raid the kitchen and I always find something delicious to eat and I binge! And then I start feeling bad but I keep eating!..
What the hell is wrong with me?!
So today I purged twice! ( second time in my life) and I took laxatives and diet pills and I'm praying I dont gain! I hate purging!
This week was awful! I sucked this week...
I cant let myself be so weak if I ever want to be skinny..
I feel like I'm so close and I cant let go.. not now, not ever!.. 3 kilos and I'm there!
Tomorrow I have my weekly check up with my nutritionist... The only reason I go is cause my dad makes me and to weigh myself!.. I dont think I gained but I dont think I lost weight either and that fucking sucks!
Please guys Im begging u! remind me why I want to be skinny, remind me why I need control, help me get it back!.. I desperately need advice and comments!.. Make me hate food, make me despise it and fear it!.. please, im on my knees!
I know u love quotes so im gonna post some-
-We three: my echo, my shadow, and me.
-All I can do is be me; whoever that is...
-Love ur enemies just incase ur friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards...
-Behind every beautiful thing there is some kind of pain- Bob Dylan
-First of all u dont know me, second of all u dont know me.
-If love is tragedy then give me tragedy, cause I wouldnt give it back 4 the world.
-All the mistakes in the world couldnt measure up to the day I thought I could trust u.
-My teenage dream tonight, Im gonna make it happen this time..
-I hurt myself, so I can feel alive..
-Why do people tell u to believe in what u want to but then tell u not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in?
-You wake to suffer through the day...
-Just live and breathe and try not to die again..
-A woman wears her tears like jewelry.
HELP ME PLEASE!!