Thursday, August 27, 2009

I live to be model thin, dress me I'm ur mannequin.

Hello people!..
I have a problem! (well i have many but this one needs to be fixed noow!)
My willpower and my control are gone! I have no idea what happened but I need them back!
Its like all day I think about getting thinner, its all I think about 24/7 but I still eat.. and a lot!!!
Its so weird cause I think about being skinny while I'm eating and I dont stop! as if eating will make me thinner hahaha!
I dont know what is happening to me, but I have cravings all day and I raid the kitchen and I always find something delicious to eat and I binge! And then I start feeling bad but I keep eating!..
What the hell is wrong with me?!
So today I purged twice! ( second time in my life) and I took laxatives and diet pills and I'm praying I dont gain! I hate purging!
This week was awful! I sucked this week...
I cant let myself be so weak if I ever want to be skinny..
I feel like I'm so close and I cant let go.. not now, not ever!.. 3 kilos and I'm there!

Tomorrow I have my weekly check up with my nutritionist... The only reason I go is cause my dad makes me and to weigh myself!.. I dont think I gained but I dont think I lost weight either and that fucking sucks!

Please guys Im begging u! remind me why I want to be skinny, remind me why I need control, help me get it back!.. I desperately need advice and comments!.. Make me hate food, make me despise it and fear it!.. please, im on my knees!

I know u love quotes so im gonna post some-

-We three: my echo, my shadow, and me.
-All I can do is be me; whoever that is...
-Love ur enemies just incase ur friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards...
-Behind every beautiful thing there is some kind of pain- Bob Dylan
-First of all u dont know me, second of all u dont know me.
-If love is tragedy then give me tragedy, cause I wouldnt give it back 4 the world.
-All the mistakes in the world couldnt measure up to the day I thought I could trust u.
-My teenage dream tonight, Im gonna make it happen this time..
-I hurt myself, so I can feel alive..
-Why do people tell u to believe in what u want to but then tell u not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in?
-You wake to suffer through the day...
-Just live and breathe and try not to die again..
-A woman wears her tears like jewelry.



  1. Everyone lapses in their willpower every once in a while, so don't fret one bit! All you need to do is sleep on it, wake up with a new attitude and say "I'm going to do this".
    I discovered this week the best thing to say to myself when I REALLY feel like binging: "All that for nothing?". I just ask myself to think about how much time and effort I've put into being thin. How many times I've turned down food, curled into a ball with a stomach ache, lied about eating, and how it would all go to waste if I just started eating again.
    Eating is temporary. I find majority of the time if I chew and spit, the temptation is gone. If this is a MAJOR need for food, snack on something that you can constantly be munching on that's not bad for you like sunflower seeds or popcorn (Sunflower seeds are about 60 calories per cup unshelled and popcorn 30 per cup unbuttered).
    Honestly, girl, you know you can do it. I know you can do it. Just from reading your posts, I know you're stronger than that.
    If you need some thinspo, I have some on my blog :)
    Let me know how it goes.

  2. omg thats so strange, ive always wondered why i think that if i eat it will make me thin, and i always associate eating with getting thinner.
    ive also noticed that when i sit around and obsess about food and weight all day, it puts me at a higher risk for binging.

    i myself havent found the secret to never binging, but once i start it helps if i let myself and dont give myself a limit.
    i just think to myself 'fine, of you wanna eat, then eat all you want.'
    then i eat and it doesnt make me feel any better so i decide i want to go back to fasting / restricting and i go back with more of a passion.