Tuesday, September 15, 2009

If I eat anything, I'll eat everything, so I'll eat nothing.

Worst day since forever!

Today was the first day since I started fasting that I was around a lot of food and around my mother.. I hate her..

She noticed how skinny my legs are and how my leggings were loose, so she literally sat me down next to her at the table, served eveything on my plate, and watched me eat it. She didnt take her eyes off me for one second!.. I couldnt even do the opaque cup trick!

Thank god it was only tomato, potatos and some spinach but still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its so easy to not want food when u havent had it for days, but once u have it again, then u start wanting it and wanting it and u cant stop, and i cant stop!!!!!!!

I purged twice already today.. but i still feel disgusting, and at this moment im eating an apple..

So I decided im just gonna eat today.. im not gonna freak cause then I will kill myself. And today is the mexican aniversary so im gonna go clubbing and dance some calories off..

Tomorrow I start fasting again.. I want to fast forever, and ever, and ever!..

Even though it wont be easy cause rosh hashana (the jewish new year) is this weekend and it revolves around food.. But ill act sick again..

Im sorry I let u down, I ley myself down, ana down.. its all my moms fault!..

This is the last time I fail.. What Im really scared of is gaining all the weight I lost on my 5 day fast.. Im so scared of waking up fat tomorrow..

Ill let u know what happens...

Im sorry..


  1. you didn't do that bad! just keep excercising and keep the food away!! haha stay strong!

  2. You didn't fail anyone, not even yourself! You still have your willpower intact.
    And if you truly think about it you can't fast forever, so having a day a week or so will help speed up your metabolism.
    You're doing great so far; you're my inspiration. I wish my leggings would get loose.
    Keep it up xoxo

  3. Don't stress urself.. Prove to urself and ana how bad u want it, one way or another you'll get there..