I just decided that my mind and my body are two totally seperate things and I am somewhere in the middle..
Outside I feel weak. I can walk a little but I get tired easily, my hands kinda hurt, and I feel like im floating.. Also im having trouble breathing but its almost nothing..
This is weird cause today I did eat.. Ive been fasting for 4 days and my dad did not let me leave the table without eating anything, so i had a tomato slice and a little tuna sashimi.. almost nothing and I purged most of it.. I thought I would feel better cause I ate but I feel worse..
I decided thats what im going to do.. I will only eat if they make me eat and ill purge it later.. my life will be like a semi-fast! i love the idea!
On the other side, Inside I feel so strong! My mind is loving this!.. I love feeling this way!
Even though feeling sick sucks, I love that Im weak! I love that I look pale, and that im dizzy and I LOVE THIS!!!.. does it make me a weird sick person?
I feel special! I am better than everyone else, I can live without food, I can feel like im about to faint and still look gorgeous and act perfect!.. I can sit in the table infront of food and not eat anything, I can trick people, etc etc...
For the first time in my life, I finally feel anorexic!.. I always knew I had ana inside me cause I could always hear her, and she would mess with my head and my life.. But I finally let her out! I let her take over and it feels amazing! Ana is driving my life and the place that she is taking me to is paradise! (modeling, beauty, thinnes, attention, fame, men, etc)
Please girls join me! come with me! we will all get there someday!
Im sorry if im being kinda corny.. its just i feel so inspired!
Also, do u guys have any tips on how not to faint and feel like this while im starving myself? cause if I faint then its over, my dad will put me into a clinic and bye bye dream!.. HELPlove uuuu