Im sorry for not posting all weekend.. I just felt like a total fat failure and i didnt want to write anything..
So Rosh- Hashana (the jewish new year) was a total disaster..
I think I have never had so much food in my life..
It was like binge weekend!.. I ate everything and anything and I didnt stop, couldnt stop!.. I didnt even think while I did it.. I ate until my stomach killed me and the I purged and went back to eating.. I had everything that was forbidden...(cake, pie, ice cream, chocolate, candy, rice, bread, cookies, etc!!!!!) I am the most disgusting person that has ever stepped on this earth..
I think after restricting for so long, I just went crazy! My need for food was unstoppable!.. I dont know how to explain it.. I just needed it more than oxygen!
I havent weighed myself but it looks like I gained a kilo.. Thank god I purged because if not, I would of gained 20..
I cried all night long.. I cant put into words the amount of hatred for myself!..
But I decided to put this behind me and move on..
Today I started a fast.. I dont know how long it will last.. Im planning on fasting until someone literally puts food in my mouth and forces me to swallow it..
Today went smoothly.. I slept all day so I didnt have to eat..
My dad woke me up like at 8 and told me he knew I didnt eat and I had to have dinner..
Thank god he is a heart surgeon and had an emergency and had to leave..
I made myself a turkey sandwich, took it to my room, bit through it, munched on it, but didnt swallow it.. I spit everything out in the toilet and washed my mouth.. Then I took the dirty plate back to the kitchen.. I usually dont get away with this, cause my dad sits and watches me eat..
Tomorrow Im supposed to eat at my mom's house, I dont know what believable excuse to tell her.. Ive done everything.. She doesnt believe me when I act sick anymore.. HELP! any ideas?
Im sorry for being such a fucking loser..
Does anyone know how much weight can u lose in an 7 day fast?
love u, sam