Monday, September 21, 2009

The question isnt "who is going to let me?"; its "who is going to stop me?"

Hey guys!!

Im sorry for not posting all weekend.. I just felt like a total fat failure and i didnt want to write anything..

So Rosh- Hashana (the jewish new year) was a total disaster..

I think I have never had so much food in my life..

It was like binge weekend!.. I ate everything and anything and I didnt stop, couldnt stop!.. I didnt even think while I did it.. I ate until my stomach killed me and the I purged and went back to eating.. I had everything that was forbidden...(cake, pie, ice cream, chocolate, candy, rice, bread, cookies, etc!!!!!) I am the most disgusting person that has ever stepped on this earth..

I think after restricting for so long, I just went crazy! My need for food was unstoppable!.. I dont know how to explain it.. I just needed it more than oxygen!

I havent weighed myself but it looks like I gained a kilo.. Thank god I purged because if not, I would of gained 20..

I cried all night long.. I cant put into words the amount of hatred for myself!..

But I decided to put this behind me and move on..

Today I started a fast.. I dont know how long it will last.. Im planning on fasting until someone literally puts food in my mouth and forces me to swallow it..

Today went smoothly.. I slept all day so I didnt have to eat..

My dad woke me up like at 8 and told me he knew I didnt eat and I had to have dinner..

Thank god he is a heart surgeon and had an emergency and had to leave..

I made myself a turkey sandwich, took it to my room, bit through it, munched on it, but didnt swallow it.. I spit everything out in the toilet and washed my mouth.. Then I took the dirty plate back to the kitchen.. I usually dont get away with this, cause my dad sits and watches me eat..

Tomorrow Im supposed to eat at my mom's house, I dont know what believable excuse to tell her.. Ive done everything.. She doesnt believe me when I act sick anymore.. HELP! any ideas?

Im sorry for being such a fucking loser..

Does anyone know how much weight can u lose in an 7 day fast?

love u, sam


  1. Wow, 7 day fast? I REALLY want to join you but I just dont think I have as much will power as you yet.. But if makes you feel any better, you are already my thinspiration!

    Excuses needed? Have you tried telling her that you just ate when she wasnt looking... (that's a common one of mine)...

    Oh and thanks for the awesome list of thinspiring songs!

    Stay Strong!

  2. hey, well done for writing down what you did, because now it's out on the table and you can put it behind you and move on :) you ahve some serious will power, I struggle with fasts, I know you can do it! go out into town or on a walk all day, then come back and say you ate at a friends? hope that helps!