Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sometimes perfection can be perfect hell...


I kinda dont know what to write..

I am completly blank..

I hate the prozac..

It really works.. it keeps ana out of my head..( i guess the dr knows what he is doing)

I hate this.. I was finally getting there! I was finally 50.9 kilos! 17.5 BMI.. my period is a week and a half late!... and then they give me the prozac, and they make me eat, and they treat me like a baby, and all my hard work is going to hell!

Last week I fasted monday through friday and I felt perfectly fine.. Yesterday I fasted and I shivered all day and felt really bad... I decided to eat at night.. its scary cause its something i would never allow myself to do!!

Today I was at the hospital all day getting random tests.. I will know the results tomorrow..

The only thing I know is that I weighed myself after eating and I weighed 52.5 kilos.. This fucking sucks!!!!!

I want 50!.. even though im not getting my period anymore, I dont care!!!

Ive worked too hard to give up now and just gain back the weight.. id rather die..

Somebody save me!! ana is fading away from me!.. I dont even care to count my calores, I dont even care to work out, i can fucking purge!!!! i dont know whats happening! i cant bring me to it!

Please remind me what I want!.. Im so close, grams away!.. help me.. ur the only secret i have left.. dont leave me

love, sam

1 comment:

  1. Perfect hell indeed...
    Well we all know wat a strong gurl u r,... and i doubt they are gonna let u out of that hospital untill they see "improvement". Just remember your DREAMS, and do just enough to get urself outta there (for now).. And go easy on urself, i wud say, ur 18th b-day aint that far away, so "stay strong"..and pleeze be carefull!!!

    I wish to get hospitalized for being ana someday too tho.. does that make me a tad crazy...?