Friday, October 2, 2009

Dont try to fix me, Im not broken..


Im sorry I havent been posting as much.. I dont know whats happening.. I feel completely detached from this world, from ana.. which kills me cause its the only world I know, the only world I know how to live in...

I know its the prozac.. its messing with my mind.. but i have to take it, cause when I dont then I feel like I wanna die of fatness.. Its the only way I can deal with the fact that they are making me gain weight without wanting to kill myself..

I was finally getting there.. I was tiny footsteps away from ana's world.. and then I am being pulled back away from her!..

I wish I could fast!.. Its my only wish, my only desire!.. I cant even make it through one day without someone making me eat.. I hate food!!! i despise it!.. I wish I could escape and control my life!..

The funny thing is that people have started to notice that im anorexic.. People are starting to worry about me, to care, to give me all this attention and what fucking sucks is that it wont last... cause my fucking family is making me fat again and fatness does not get attention.. thiness, and weakness, and paleness, and bones do!..

I just want to disappear.. I want to be empty!.. I hate my life right now!! Somebody help me escape!!

Ana is all I have and they are taking her away from me.. Why do they want me to be alone? I need her!

I fucking hate people!.. They are just jealous cause I look model skinny and perfect and they dont!.. I wish I could just die!.. Id rather die than live this way!..

I dont understan why im not getting my period if im fucking fat.. I dont even remember when my last period was.. u know what the worst part is? that I dont wanna get my period again.. because if i do, it means im not underweight and that sucks.. id rather be underweight and perfectly skinny than ovulating...

I wish I could just die...

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