Because the mirror hurts more than starving.

Hey..

So today i didnt do that bad..
my parents just left to argentina like an hour ago, so i had to have lunch and dinner with them..
lunch-

1 vegetable soup

dinner-

1 plate of broccoli and carrots and some weird pastries that are 3 calories each.. i had like 15..

Im guessing the total is like 350 calories max!..

I also burnt 500 calories on the elliptical and did some weights..

Tomorrow I start my 7 day fast!..

Usually when i start a fast im really excited, its when i feel the closest to ana.. I dont know why im not that excited right now..

these stupid thoughts keep crossing my mind like: "maybe u can have capuccinos on ur fast", "maybe soup with little calores is acceptable", "diet jell-o is okay"....NOT!!!

i think the worst day will be tomorrow.. after i fast for a day then i wont want food.. the starting part is whats hard.. i dont know whats happening to me.. im losing my dream.. u guys know me, u know how strong and controling i can be.. where is that girl?.. help me find her..

how is it possible that after all the disgusting crap i ate yesterday i still want food..

do u guys know any sites or something that can motivate me and make me hate food?

Tomorrows plan..

-weigh myself to see my starting weight at the fast.. (im scared) 10 am

-one hour of cardio (-500 cals)

-one hour of pilates 11 am

-come home and sleep 12 30 am

-leave the house at lunch time 3 pm (i have no idea where i will go, maybe ill go to the gym again)

-come back home 4 30 pm

-go have some coffee with friends 6 30 pm

-find something to do to avoid dinner and cravings.. (any ideas)

all i can have this week is tea, coffee, cigarettes, gum, chicken broth, diet jell-o.

I wish i had diet pills.. i ran out and my dad left town and i dont have any extra money for them..

how much weight do u guys think i will lose in 7 days of fasting? motivate me!.. tell me the results ill have!.. my thinspo for this week is lindsay lohan, i completely idolize her..

I have some wishes or goals for this week-

1.bones to show (collar bones, hips, ribs, back bones, etc)

2.legs almost as thin as my arms.

3.weigh 50 kilos.. 49 would be better, but at least 50.

4.try to fast for more than 7 days..

5.feel weak, feel faint, feel dizzy, look pale even with my fake tan, look sick again, have people worry, make me feel a little better about myself..

I love u people.. u have no idea how u help me.. everyday the first thing i do is check for comments.. they motivate me, please dont stop commenting.. u have no idea the smile on my face when i read them and i feel noticed and cared for..

i also promise to post some pictures of me at the end of my fast!.. so dont let me fail.. i love u