Thursday, November 5, 2009

Im scared of my own thoughts..

Hey guys!..

Today would be day number 4 of fasting.. im not in the best mood cause I weigh the same weight as yesterday, 50.9 kilograms.. i didnt even lose one gram.. this sucks i dont get it..

I thought i was supposed to lose one lb a day when I fast.. Im also mad cause i discovered this place with delicious frappe teas and the lady said it had no calories and now another lady said it has 140!!!!!!! so i wanna fucking die cause ive been starving myself and then without knowing i drank 140 calories.. I NEVER DRINK CALORES!

I went to therapy yesterday with my psychiatrist.. he makes me think a lot, he tries to understand what happens in my head and why i do this to myself so he makes me say all my crazy anorexic, self-destructive, pathetic thoughts out loud.. and everytime i say something i realize how fucked up i really am for thinking like that.. examples: "i starve so my body could be as empty as my soul, and maybe then i can feel like i belong inside this skin", "im all alone trapped in my own head, wishing to be anyone but me.", "i only feel beautiful when im hungry"...

I have to go girls my step brother is sitting right next to me.. ill write more later.. i love u


  1. Gosh I hate drinking calories, its such a waste. Thoughts are always like that, they make so much sense until you say them out loud. Then people seem to find them ridiculous and ludicrous.

  2. you might not be losing a pound a day because your metabolism is slowing down.
    you can keep it up by vitamins and exercise.

  3. fuck drinks.
    water water water.
    I agree with M,
    thoughts make sence until you say them, and then I feel weird, and others think your mental.
    I hope your okay.