Today would be day number 4 of fasting.. im not in the best mood cause I weigh the same weight as yesterday, 50.9 kilograms.. i didnt even lose one gram.. this sucks i dont get it..
I thought i was supposed to lose one lb a day when I fast.. Im also mad cause i discovered this place with delicious frappe teas and the lady said it had no calories and now another lady said it has 140!!!!!!! so i wanna fucking die cause ive been starving myself and then without knowing i drank 140 calories.. I NEVER DRINK CALORES!
I went to therapy yesterday with my psychiatrist.. he makes me think a lot, he tries to understand what happens in my head and why i do this to myself so he makes me say all my crazy anorexic, self-destructive, pathetic thoughts out loud.. and everytime i say something i realize how fucked up i really am for thinking like that.. examples: "i starve so my body could be as empty as my soul, and maybe then i can feel like i belong inside this skin", "im all alone trapped in my own head, wishing to be anyone but me.", "i only feel beautiful when im hungry"...
I have to go girls my step brother is sitting right next to me.. ill write more later.. i love u