Thursday, November 5, 2009

Im scared of my own thoughts..


Hey guys!..

Today would be day number 4 of fasting.. im not in the best mood cause I weigh the same weight as yesterday, 50.9 kilograms.. i didnt even lose one gram.. this sucks i dont get it..

I thought i was supposed to lose one lb a day when I fast.. Im also mad cause i discovered this place with delicious frappe teas and the lady said it had no calories and now another lady said it has 140!!!!!!! so i wanna fucking die cause ive been starving myself and then without knowing i drank 140 calories.. I NEVER DRINK CALORES!


I went to therapy yesterday with my psychiatrist.. he makes me think a lot, he tries to understand what happens in my head and why i do this to myself so he makes me say all my crazy anorexic, self-destructive, pathetic thoughts out loud.. and everytime i say something i realize how fucked up i really am for thinking like that.. examples: "i starve so my body could be as empty as my soul, and maybe then i can feel like i belong inside this skin", "im all alone trapped in my own head, wishing to be anyone but me.", "i only feel beautiful when im hungry"...


I have to go girls my step brother is sitting right next to me.. ill write more later.. i love u

3 comments:

  1. Gosh I hate drinking calories, its such a waste. Thoughts are always like that, they make so much sense until you say them out loud. Then people seem to find them ridiculous and ludicrous.

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  2. you might not be losing a pound a day because your metabolism is slowing down.
    you can keep it up by vitamins and exercise.

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  3. fuck drinks.
    water water water.
    I agree with M,
    thoughts make sence until you say them, and then I feel weird, and others think your mental.
    I hope your okay.

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