hey people..
i succesfully fasted through last week until the weekend arrived to ruin my life..
in a moment of weakness i decided that my new lifestyle would be to fast on week days and allow myself to eat on weekends.. well u can guess how that went..total disaster..
i obviously ate everything i didnt eat on my fast.. and i ate even more than that because i knew i was gonna fast again on monday.. stupid, stupid, stupid.
i obviously ate everything i didnt eat on my fast.. and i ate even more than that because i knew i was gonna fast again on monday.. stupid, stupid, stupid.
i know ive said this before but now i can truly say i have never had so much food in one day like i had yesterday.. i didnt even want the food, i just kept stuffing myself cause i knew i was gonna fast for 5 days again.. im such a fucking fat disgusting cow.
so this is the new lifestyle choice-
I DONT WANT FOOD, FOODS ONLY PURPOSE IS TO MAKE ME FAT. I DO NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO EAT ANYTHING, I DO NOT HAVE ANY PERMISSION TO EAT. I WILL ONLY EAT WHEN I AM FORCE FED. I WILL ONLY EAT WHEN THERE IS NO WAY OUT AND I WILL MAKE THEM FORCE ME TO EAT EVERY BITE. AGAIN I DONT WANT FOOD, I DONT NEED IT, I HATE IT. I DO NOT GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO EAT.
this is my new life plus burning at least 500 daily calories.. today i burnt 900.
i feel so disgusted with myself lately.. i dont want anyone to see me, i dont want to go out, get dressed, etc.. i want to hide from the world.. im to ugly to live in it.
don't feel bad, we all slip up, I too have been in that position, just try your hardest to stick to your new rules, pick yourself back up slowly, you can do it, I know you can! x
ReplyDeleteWe all have bad days. You can make up for it, though. You'll be just fine.
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