Im torn between what i was and what i could be...

Hello people!..

day 2 of fasting went really good!.. it was really easy.. im not hungry at all, i am really thirsty though, ive been drinking a huuuge amount of water and tea..

I went to the gym today but i only burnt 350 calories.. its not enough, im mad at myself for being so weak..

I weighed myself.. i currently weigh 52.1, but im fasting so i know ill lose it, im not worried..

Life is so much better when ur empty, i love it.. lately ive been wearing only sweat pants.. i feel to fat to wear anything else.. i want my leggings to be lose again.. oh i cant wait to be under 50 kilos again.. my goal this fast is to get to 48.. the only problem is how to trick my nutritionist.. im gonna have to buy more weights (the kind u strap to ur legs), and if i dont get my period next month im gonna lie and tell her i did.. its a lot easier to fast right now cause my family has been watching me eat and they think im healthier.. i am healthier cuz i got my period and i put on some weight but im obviously losing it again..

I dont know why im not happy like this.. everyone keeps telling me how hot i am and how beautiful i look but i cant see it.. i dont feel it.. this is not beauty, this is normality.. beauty is bones and frailness and skinny skinny legs and arms.. not this..

i love u guys, stay strong.