So I went to acapulco and most days went fine (food wise).. I only ate veggies and fruit until saturday.. then i ate some carbs and yesterday i had a full on disgusting binge..
I went to the gym today and burnt 500 calories but i was scared to weigh myself so ill do it tomorrow..
oh and i forgot to tell u.. I FUCKING GOT MY PERIOD!!! after 4 months of not getting it, i got it on thursday.. u guys have no idea how much i want to kill myself right now.. i dont deserve to live.. this means im not underweight anymore and its not acceptable.. someone kill me..
Im fasting again.. i really need to be 48 kilograms, i need it so much i could kill someone..
Everyone keeps telling me how hot i am and how an amazing body i have, and that i should be a swimsuit model, etc etc.. AND I FUCKING HATE THEM..
i miss the times when people told me i looked sick, and that i looked scary, and that my bones showed too much, and that i should eat something, etc etc...
I dont know how ill do it but ill get to that point again.. i need it..
what really sucks about my body is that the only way i lose any weight is when i fast.. even if i have one cube of watermelon i gain weight.. i wanna fucking kill myself, i dont understand why that happens..
u have no idea how much i envy people that are on diets.. at least they can eat... i would give anything to be able to eat even 100 calories without gaining.. why is my body so fucked up and how to i fucking fix it.. help..
Im so depressed lately..
I dont have any new years resolutions.. I only have one goal and it is to not gain one gram more.. from this year on i only lose weight.. i never gain.. oh and i also dont want to get my period eveeer in this year.. not once.
love u girls.. miss u