Thursday, January 7, 2010

Live to lie about it

Hey hey!

Day 4 of my fast complete!
I had a bit of problems but i dealt with them!..
I spent most of the day at my university so i just had coffee, tea, water, cigarettes, and soda.

Then I went to the gym and burnt 500 calories and did some weights. Then I got home and I have really bad luck so it doesnt amaze me that my step uncle from new york decided to visit and my stepmom made a big dinner for all of us.. I started crying in my room trying to figure out a way to avoid it! I was going crazy but there was no possible way.. Earlier in the day I went to krispy kreme with my best friend and she had a donut and i had a coffee, when i got home i still had the coffe cup from krispy kreme.. so i decided to act really sad and depressed and my dad asked me what was wrong so i told him that i was feeling like shit cause i ate a krispy kreme donut with my friend and that i felt really guilty and that i couldnt eat anything else, that i was really suffering... he believed me and let me have chicken broth for dinner..

I feel sooooo proud of myself!!! I was sitting at the table with my whole family infront of delicious food, watching them eat, craving it like crazy, and i controled myself!!!!! I ate nothing!

I weighed myself today and I weigh 50.5 kilograms.. im so mad cuz I only lost 200 grams since yesterday.. why am i losing so slowly?

Can u guys recommend me the best ana books u know.. i want a really thinspirational one.. please tell me which ones to buy...

I wish i could live without food forever.. only thought of having to eat again someday is haunting me and torturing me.. i cant sleep at night so scared that someone will make me eat any day now.. i guess i will never be happy and at peace..
Thank u so much for telling me im beautiful.. i wish i could see it.. xoxo

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