Tuesday, February 16, 2010

How do I get rid of myself? this girl is killing me..

Hello everyone..

I need my old self back.. Im working on finding her.. I dont know who has gotten inside me but she is destroying my beautiful thin body and covering it with fat.. I cant allow it..

Im sick of this horrible routine of fasting through the week and then binging like an insane pig on weekends and ruining all the hard work.. when I think of all the things i put into my mouth i get this huge urge to lock myself up in a clinic cause i cant control myself..

Its so weird how my mind changed 180 degrees.. first there was no way i would eat a piece of nothing.. now there is no way i can stop if i eat anything.. before i would cry if i had to eat, now i look forward to it.. wasnt i supposed to be anorexic?.. i have to start acting like one.. the funny thing is i still believe i have anorexia haha.. seriously?? Im beyond anorexia, I am a full on bulimic and i am fucking sick of it and disgusted by myself..

Im fasting again.. but i really need this fast to last more than 5 days and i need to not binge when i eat.. i need to do this, i have to do this.. im sick of getting fat, im sick of being weak, im sick of everything.. the worst part is i have already done it before, i know i can do it, i know how strong i can be.. so what the fuck happened to me!.. please samantha come back wherever u are..

oh and p.s.- life fucking sucks.. i need money and a place to live.. my dad doesnt want me here anymore.. got nowhere to go and im fat..


  1. Hang in there, things will turn around for you - I know it's hard to focus on the positive but take it one day at a time - you can do it!

  2. Don't jump into things too quick, slowly lower your calorie intake instead of jumping into fasting, because when you fast quick is uusually leads to binges. I'm sorry about your dad. I wish I could help, but all I can do is wish you all my luck and hope you find somewhere, I really hope your alright, x.

  3. I agree with See's comment. Fasting usually leads to binging, because your body is used to food it is super difficult to take it away all of a sudden for a long period of time. Let yourself into it slowly, cutting back small things one at a time. It takes longer but the results will be better and you'll feel better too. I hope you find somewhere to live soon, and sorry about how your dad is acting. xo.

  4. YOU can do it girl...i am new to fastin as well and have started a blog...wish u luck