Tuesday, February 16, 2010

How do I get rid of myself? this girl is killing me..


Hello everyone..

I need my old self back.. Im working on finding her.. I dont know who has gotten inside me but she is destroying my beautiful thin body and covering it with fat.. I cant allow it..

Im sick of this horrible routine of fasting through the week and then binging like an insane pig on weekends and ruining all the hard work.. when I think of all the things i put into my mouth i get this huge urge to lock myself up in a clinic cause i cant control myself..

Its so weird how my mind changed 180 degrees.. first there was no way i would eat a piece of nothing.. now there is no way i can stop if i eat anything.. before i would cry if i had to eat, now i look forward to it.. wasnt i supposed to be anorexic?.. i have to start acting like one.. the funny thing is i still believe i have anorexia haha.. seriously?? Im beyond anorexia, I am a full on bulimic and i am fucking sick of it and disgusted by myself..

Im fasting again.. but i really need this fast to last more than 5 days and i need to not binge when i eat.. i need to do this, i have to do this.. im sick of getting fat, im sick of being weak, im sick of everything.. the worst part is i have already done it before, i know i can do it, i know how strong i can be.. so what the fuck happened to me!.. please samantha come back wherever u are..

oh and p.s.- life fucking sucks.. i need money and a place to live.. my dad doesnt want me here anymore.. got nowhere to go and im fat..

4 comments:

  1. Hang in there, things will turn around for you - I know it's hard to focus on the positive but take it one day at a time - you can do it!

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  2. Don't jump into things too quick, slowly lower your calorie intake instead of jumping into fasting, because when you fast quick is uusually leads to binges. I'm sorry about your dad. I wish I could help, but all I can do is wish you all my luck and hope you find somewhere, I really hope your alright, x.

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  3. I agree with See's comment. Fasting usually leads to binging, because your body is used to food it is super difficult to take it away all of a sudden for a long period of time. Let yourself into it slowly, cutting back small things one at a time. It takes longer but the results will be better and you'll feel better too. I hope you find somewhere to live soon, and sorry about how your dad is acting. xo.

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  4. YOU can do it girl...i am new to fastin as well and have started a blog...wish u luck

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