Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What If I broke my own heart?

Hey girls..

I weighed myself today, i weigh 51.9 which means I lost 400 grams.

I bought hydroxycut and xenical to lose faster and im still fasting.. I also burnt 500 calories at the gym.. I dont get why Im losing so slowly.. This sucks and im hungry and in the worst mood..

Im still going through hell.. the situation with the naked pictures is starting to explode and im gonna have to tell my dad before someone sends them to my family.. im scared.. i dont know what he will do.. maybe hit me or kick me out of the house.. i dont wanna think about this anymore.. i need some sleep, i havent slept in a week... i dont know what to do anymore.. my life is falling apart infront of me and there is absolutely nothing i can do..

I guess u guys think im boring or something cause u stopped commenting.. or maybe u just think im fat.. oh well..

tears are flooding my eyes again.. how many more tears do i have inside me? its like there is an ocean inside me and all the water is coming out, and then ill be dry and empty, and i can even feel everything getting thirsty inside me, dying..

I can feel people watching me, staring at me, pointing fingers at me.. even in the darkness, even when i sleep, even when im alone.. why do i even bother wearing clothes anymore, everyone has seen me naked already..

Ana is all I have left.. if my life is gonna suck at least i wanna be pretty and thin.. my body isnt even my own has become public..

stay strong..


  1. I'm sorry about your situation. I hope your ok soon. Try and sleep, it will do the world of good.

  2. Oh, im sorry for not commenting!!!! Your not boring at all, infact your one of the strongest ana's I know! (It's just that lately, i havent been doing so hot either, urrrgh..:(

    Wow, that is some scary shit your going thru with the naked pics, my dad is super scary too. I hope your family doesnt find out either. my best advice would be to try and not let them find out, or if they do, then just apologize, I mean you are young, it's a parents' job to like, forgive there kids right? :/

    Omygosh, now im scared with you! lol.. umm well, lets just hope that everything gets better soon, "ana-wise" and "life-wise"..

    Keep your chin up girl, and stay strong, kay? :)

  3. We are still here for you! Don't be discouraged, everything will work itself out. I hope you feel better!

  4. Your body is still your own. Photos provide a fake replica on a flat 2D surface. To experience a body is to use all of the senses. Your reputation may be damaged right now but time really does heal all. Please never doubt that your body is your own though, especially after all of the time you put into it.
    Talk to someone you can trust about the pictures besides your ex. Maybe they'll be able to help. Owning up to your wrongs may be able to score you points for maturity.
    Congratulations on the 400 gram weight loss! That may not seem like much but everything counts. It will probably be a painful process but you will reach your goal weight again soon. Sleeping will help lessen your appetite and give you more energy.
    You are truly a beautiful girl Samantha. I have been reading your blog since the beginning. You are stronger and have more will and drive than most people I know. Keep your chin up, girl. Life won't frown on you forever. I promise.