Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I dreamed I had nothing at all, nothing but my own skin...

I didnt go to the gym today, i had no time ive been running up and down all day..
I was with my mom at lunch time at a coffee shop and she asked me what I was gonna eat, I made up 100 excuses but she didnt let me go without having anything so I had a light 70 calorie frapuccino.. but ive had nothing else so im not freaking out..

Ive always wanted to be a model, and an actresss, and a SINGER!.. but well obviously i havent done any of that but i will someday i promise... in the meantime my friend and i well, we are really crazy and creative people, i know im a freak, i dont think like normal people do, my head works in a realy strange way and im okay with it cuz ive been using it to my advantage these days.. My friend is different too.. he is the most creative and amazing person i know, the things he creates and imagines and says and does omg i just wish i could look inside his head!!!!
So the point is we have been doing these really cool projects lately with no reason at all, just cuz we love doing them.. we come up with this crazy random idea and we make a photoshoot.. oh u guys i wish i could post the pictures here and u could see the amazing stuff we have done u guys would go crazy!
So todays photoshoot was about hard living and addictions and stuff.. Its the crazyest we have done.. I put on a wig, I was wearing lingerie and heels, I put on a wig, he did this amazing fake tattoo on my chest, and the set was amazing full of cigarettes and alcohol and a bed and stuff.. and so there was like "cocaine" on the table and it was so glamorous and mirrors, and then he put the "cocaine" on my leg and acted like he was gonna sniff it from there, it was so sexy..
And we did another one where he laid me on the bed and put cards and gambling stuff all over me and a bottle of vodka and pearls it was so cool and i was in lingerie just posing i loved it!!
So anyway the photo that I posted above is me.. (the legs are mine) its of last week's photoshoot we did...

I went to the nutritionist today at the clinic and she is really mad cause i lost a lot of weight and ive been telling her im gonna gain it back and ive obviously havent.. so she knows im doing something wrong and im not really eating and she said that if i dont gain she will have to send me ensures again... aghhh i hate her cuz im not even sick or anything, i mean im still getting my period.. its so weird cuz there was a time i wasnt getting my period and i weighed more than i do now, and then i gained weight again and i got my period again and now that i lost the weight and more im still getting my fucking period.. wtf!!!!

Ill weigh myself tomorrow even though i dont want to.. im scared cuz i dont feel that fat right now and i know that if i weigh myself my whole week is gonna get more fucked up than it already is.. (is the fault of a boy im really really really into and sometimes he seems so into me too and then he just seems not into me at all, and i wanna see him cuz he is going 4 days to coachella this weekend and i wont see him and apparently he doesnt care, and im nervous cause last time i saw him he kissed me for the first time and im nervous) aghhhh i hate men!

i love u girls, if u have any cool ideas for shoots share them with me.. i miss u why dont u comment anymore? i know i used to be more fun and inspiring, im sorry im just venting lately ill try to make this less boring...


  1. Your legs look super skinny!!!! Can we please please please see the other photos?! You could block out your face or something. Im into artsy stuff too and the projects sound like things that I do with my friends. Maybe try something demonic revolving around a murder theme. Like America's Next Top Model. And AAAGHGGHHG! He kissed you! That's so exciting! <3

  2. That photo shoot sounds fantastic! You two really are very creative. Through these, I bet you two could be a team- you the model, he the photographer. And then you could achieve one of your dreams :)