Tuesday, May 4, 2010

There's a lot of nothing around here...

I said i missed sadness? I said i missed my dark hole? oh stupid stupid girl.. pathetic idiot..
i hate this. i was so happy, i felt butterflies, i felt free, i felt i could breathe for the first time ever.. im dead again.. i have nothing to live for, no one beside me, my life is so lonely, so empty, so full of nothingness, so meaningless.. i cant live like this i feel like im drowning..
how can ur life change in such a drastic way so fast, so unexpectedly?.. my life just died from one second to the next.. i was so alive, so happy, i was living my dreams, smiling, laughing, feeling, loving,.. and then suddelny i blinked and then.. NOTHING.. IT WAS ALL GONE... THERE IS NOTHING LEFT..

I binged everyday last week.. every fucking say.. can someone please explain what the fuck was going through my head??.. i was supposed to fast.. no one made me eat.. i ate by myself and i ate the whole kitchen.. im fat.. i dont even wanna know how much i weigh.. my life fucking sucks..
i hate him, i miss him.. why did i have to meet him? he fucking came and ruined me.. i hate him.. and i love him and i want him and i need him so much.. but he is not coming back.. i know he wont.. but i keep holding on to him, i cant let go, i dont want to.. cuz i cant imagine a world without him, cuz i discovered his world and i dont want to go back to my old world.. but he wont come back.. and im fat..
i fasted today and went to the gym.. the plan is to do that tomorrow too.. im sorry.

1 comment:

  1. Happy people eat. They eat to make their bodies and minds healthy. Your mind is telling your body that it needs nutrients to be happy. Do not binge. Learn healthy eating patterns. Wake up Sam. A happy mind and happy body go hand in hand.