Sunday, June 27, 2010

I dont want to be alone, I want to be left alone...

Hello girlies!!
So this weekend sucked.. Friday I weighed 111.5 which meant I was losing a pound daily.. But then I had a family dinner and couldnt stop eating.. thats the problem when u starve every day, that when u eat one single solid thing then u cant stop.. I got home and into the shower and puked everything out, my throat was on fire.. Then I stepped on the scale after puking and it said 117.5.. I had a huge panic attack.. Yesterday I woke up with a cold and had nothing all day but 2 chai lattes with soy milk.. And today I weighed myself and Im back to 112 which is not so bad..
Im just sick of staying in 112 all the time, i hate it.. I need to get to 105 urgently, then to 99.. Ive had nothing but a coffee today, even though I have the worst cold on earth, im super sick.. Im praying my mom doesnt make me eat anything.. If she does ill just have some soup or yogurt..
Tomorrow I need to be 111 at least.. I hate not looking sick, like too skinny.. I need it my body is craving it so bad i cant stand just being "thin".. I want my beautiful beautiful bones out.. I dont want this ass, i dont want boobs, i want bones..
Love u girls.. no giving into temptations this week..

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