Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I like to think I'm a mess ud wear with pride...


Hello my angels!
So ive managed to get myself down to 113.5.. thats what the scale said today anyway.. My eating is not as perfect as it should be, but im getting there... at least im not binging or eating forbidden foods.. And ive been hitting the gym yesterday I burnt 370 calories and today I burnt 540..
Today's intake-
Fruit- 50 cal
some salad- 50 cal
4 coffees- 20 cal
1 light fuze- 10 cal
1 frozen yoghurt- 3o0?

I have no idea how many calories frozen yoghurt has.. I have to find out and i should really stop eating that.. im just so addicted and its one of the only things i let myself eat, and it also doesnt make me binge after... Its been too much food, i have to lower it..
I hope tomorrow i weigh less or else i will kill myself..
I discovered i have been punishing myself with food.. Ive always been self-destructive and kind of a masochist, and i hurt myself.. before it was by not eating and starving cause i wanted to eat.. now i dont want to eat and my mind is like tricking me and i think ive been punishing myself and hurting myself with food.. ive been eating cause i know that makes me hate myself and it hurts.. its like im in fucking reverse mode or something... but im turning it arround again.. im gaining my control back..
"Wasted" is inspiring me again! I feel so identified with her when the anorexia part starts!.. its like she is talking about me!.. My life with this disorder exactly as it is, my weird habits and everything!.. u guys should read it if u havent!..
ill let u know my weight tomorrow!.. lov u

2 comments:

  1. I LOVE the book wasted. I just started a book called "Hungry." It's written by a monther and her anorexic daughter. Pretty good. Check it out and congrats on your success!!

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  2. What the FUCK is up with you and these sick people that follow you. Eat for CHRISTS SAKE. You're blatently doing this for attention you sad fuck. Go get some serious help and how the hell can people fucking congratulate you, your fucking OUT OF YOUR HEAD. SICK BASTARD.

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